Holiday 2009

Happy Holidays everyone! Here’s a quick synopsis of 2009 for the Woodside Dawes.

Janie spent the year teaching, learning, enjoying life, transporting kids to various activities, and making an extra effort to appreciate all the great things in her life . (while trying to forget that the big 40th is coming much faster than desired)

Paul resides mainly at iControl, working, traveling and stressing too much; but still enjoying the creativity and challenges that all this brings. Free time involves immersing himself in family and longing for the days when he will again have free time to ski more than 3 days a season, windsurf, make big pots, and drive big tractors in the yard..

Grayson 1001 (or 9 for those non binary folks), is closing in on his black belt for taekwondo, swimming on a swim team, gearing up for ski season and then baseball season, and starting guitar lessons in the new year. Even with all this he manages to find time to figure out ways to negotiate for more time with his DS (be thankful if you don’t know what this means) and more money (without requiring actual work) to increase his already enormous collection of Pokemon cards. Future career: Fast-twitch video game research subject.

Eme 0111 (7), taekwondo, swim, and violin are her pastimes as well as skiing and continuing to sketch and draw on every blank piece of paper she comes across. Eme is a can-do person who can always be counted on to step up and assist or help at the slightest request. Her Pokemon collection is second only to Grayson’s but she has discovered that collecting cans and bottles and doing extra chores earns her the extra cash needed to both enhance this collection and increase Grayson’s debts to her. Future career: Personal Banker to Grayson.

Anna 0101 (5), has started playing violin in addition to soccer, taekwondo, swim and skiing. Anna began kindergarten here at home and is rapidly becoming a solid reader. She loves to meet new people, be around any people, and make all people happy. Every person Anna meets is her friend (though she is not encumbered by names). She can almost always be found visiting our neighbors Rob and Berkeley or outside picking flowers to give away. Anna enjoys Pokemon as well, but mostly because that’s where she can meet interesting new people. Future career: Personal Greeter.

Neve 0011 (3), last but not the least, particularly when it comes to volume. Neve eagerly awaits the day when she can join in all the reindeer games. Until then, she will accuse the reindeers of ‘taunting’ her with said games. Neve has decided that she is in charge of the Dawes ship and is notorious for saying outrageous things at the appropriate time (e.g. ‘Happy Holidays, Mom!’ in response to a frustrated Mom Target shopping expedition). She loves music and is always singing, humming, or yelling (Neve’s new genre of music). Neve is easily identified because she is either talking much louder than everyone else or screaming “wait for me!”. Future Career: Bullhorn (or CEO).

Neve's First Haircut

Okay not exactly like I had planned her first real haircut to go....

While busily trying to get next weeks school work together for Gray and Eme, Anna casually asked me if I would cut her hair today. I said sure, but give me a few minutes. Unbeknownst to me she had already made the executive decision to give Neve a haircut - "because she asked me to".

Neve walks over, I take a double take, oh my gosh!

In my mind is how do I broach this with Anna without hurting her feelings (she really did think she was being helpful, plus such resourcefulness!) However my baby's hair has been butched. Torn between tears and laughter, thoughts of how in the heck am I going to fix this.

I bring Paul into the equation. All he can do is laugh. But he does help me make the new executive decision to go for a pixie. A quick google search and I have my inspiration (think Katie Holmes and Posh Spice). About 15 minutes with the sissors and we have the new improved Neve.

I realize that although years ago we had the "only grown-ups get to give haircuts" talk to Grayson and Eme, Anna and Neve missed out on that conversation. whoops my bad.

Well I'd better go prime all the pink clothes in Neve's size as I have a feeling we are going to need them for the next year or so until the hair grows back, otherwise everyone might think we have 2 boys and 2 girls....sigh

Tallyho friends and family...

That time of year again for the next installment in the Dawes family portrait. I do have to say it gets easier each year. For awhile there coordinating a photo of young children plus two adults was, well I don't know, difficult? I guess it gets easier when the kids are old enough to fully understand bribes, and the youngest old enough to follow the older siblings.

It is hard to believe another year has passed...Here's the latest:

Grayson, IIIII III, passion for video games finally seems to be waning (only slightly and maybe only measurable by his parents' optimistic hopes). He has recently discovered Lego's and now will spend hours creating his own sets (he's not a fan of the boxed kind with directions) and then counts the pieces then hunts down prices on eBay to see what it might be worth. In typical fashion his favorite are the minfigures, which Lego of course doesn't sell individually. He continues on with TaeKwonDo and is now a red and white belt (2 belts from his jr. black belt, he won't be eligible for the full black belt until he is 15). He is a kind individual, and is amazing at getting his sisters to cooperate and motivating them to do things, especially chores he doesn't want to do. He is a voracious reader and when he isn't creating Lego set ups he can usually be found bouncing on the trampoline or reading (or sometimes both). He still runs from one place to the next and has really developed a great sense of humor.

Emerson (Eme), IIIII I, has really grown into her own. She still wears p.j.s exclusively, but in the last couple of weeks has starting substituting pajama tops with t-shirts, so this long lived phase may at last have run it's course. She has also joined one of the local swim teams and is learning how to play violin. She also continues to be a prolific artist. She spends every free moment with a pencil and paper in hand sketching. I am constantly amazed at how she will redraw the same scene over and over and from different angles and views. Her pencil seems to have a mind of it's own and most of the time I have to get on her about finishing her school work it's because she found something interesting on the page and has decided to develop it further with her artistry. She is an amazing helper to me, and is growing into her big sister position, a big change from the past when she seemed more comfortable as Grayson's little sister.

Anna, IIII, is on the verge of the transition from little kid to big kid. She continues to collect wayward bugs and finally I have gotten through to her the thrill of capturing, studying, and then releasing before they die is the proper scientific way. She loves to pick flowers and loves even more to give them to everyone she meets. She gives away hugs the way most people give away waves of the hands. She socializes every chance we get and loves to share stories about her "friends", though she doesn't really remember any of their names, that's not important she says. She continues with TaeKwonDo, and has decided that Soccer is her thing. She just finished one session of Kidz Love Soccer through the parks and rec and is eager to start again. She was the only little girl and had the most adorable field presence (though I might be slightly biased). Anna has such a loving passion for life and is able to make the greyest day sunny.

Neve, II, is a power of her own. She runs the show most of the time (though I at least like to think that she doesn't know it). She's able to recognize all her letters, can count to 20, knows all her shapes, and colors - in english and spanish, and loves chocolate. This last might not be a surprise to most, except I loathe chocolate and the thought that anything that is remotely related to me liking chocolate is just uncomprehensible. Her vocabulary is extensive and her memory is phenominal. Sometimes I am frightened by her drive to know/learn things and I keep waiting for her to slow down. One of her favorite activities is to tell me a word and then have me write it on a piece of paper and then carry it around and show everyone. She also loves to swim and can now pretty confidently swim the length of a pool. She is well known at the pool because she almost always has on her zoomers(fins) and goggles, even when she is not swimming. Neve is fiercely independent, and her favorite saying is "No I do it!".

Paul, (way too many tally's to put here)is still working and traveling all the time for iControl (www.icontrol.com). When not at the office can be found tinkering away with all the cameras and security stuff we have around the house. I feel like I am on one of those reality shows. He is still taking TaeKwonDo with Grayson one day a week, running, and swimming when he can. Plus he manages to find time to build Legos with the kids and pamper me. On top of all this, he is now the primary grocery shopper in our house, and he manages to do it with at least 3 of the 4 kids with him.

I (whos' counting anyway) have had a year of big challenges. The homeschooling continues to be a passion for me, as is parenting as a whole. I know I say this every year, but maybe only because I am so surprised myself, that I love being a mother (I know not particularly original). I feel like I am one of those lucky individuals that has found their calling, and I look forward to each day of my life. My challenges have come in the way of having to make grown-up decisions, there were many opportunites this year for me to wish that someone else would take care of some difficult decisions to realize that as a grown up I actually have to do it (this doesn't mean I didn't complain about it the whole time). I still continue to sew and knit in my free time (because I just have so much of it) and most of the reading I do these days is trying to figure out what makes boys boys and girls girls, how to motivate kids to learn and be passionate about things, how to talk to my kids, and how to foster great sibling relationships. I know, a mothering geek if ever there was one.

One of the biggest changes for all of is that our housekeeper Rosie has moved on after 5 years. This has just become final in the last week, and we find a lot of adjustments going on. Mainly I am surprised on how little I use to do around here when I thought I was doing so much. I used to tell people how practical our tile floor is because you can never tell when it is dirty, to find out that without Rosie that really only is true for about a day. And I now finally understand why people who have children hate stainless steel.

I hope this blog finds everyone well and if ever in the neighborhood give us a holler! Happy New Year!

The science of parenting...

Before I had children I had some pretty strong beliefs about them, and now after almost 8 years and 4 kids I have to admit failure in my hypotheses.

The first being that society makes boys the way they are not biology. The old nature versus nurture. I have spent countless hours postulating the best way to approach a gender neutral upbringing for our children, and although I can freely admit that I have a son that is capable of telling you how he is feeling (beyond the cursory fine, well, etc) and 3 daughters that aren't capable of identifying any of the Disney princesses, there is much I have learned about genders that I can not fight millions of years of evolution on.

For instance, the other day I made a healthy tofu, broccoli kabob that could be eaten on the pool deck or at the tkd dojo. The end result a great healthy meal and lots of left over wooden spears. The three girls readily relinquished theirs when I asked, and in my naivety I never bother to count how many sticks went out versus how many sticks came back. Grayson took it upon himself to keep one of his and stashed it in the back seat of the minivan. A couple days later in a hustle to get the kids in the car off to the daily activities, the kids headed down to the garage moments before me. When I got to the car Eme, Anna and Neve were in their seats. Grayson was in his seat but manage to rediscover his "spear" and thought what a great opportunity to see how hard he would have to stab the seat in order to make it go in, and while at it why not see how fast I can do it too. I peak my head in to rapid stabbing of the leather seats, the three girls oblivious to the action busy chatting about webkinz or some such thing. Not a happy moment in the Dawes household, and I had to all but bite my tongue to not scream "what the h*ll are you doing?".

I am a bit sensitive to the gender thing as of late, as I often worry about Grayson. He is raised in a house with mostly women, has mostly girl cousins, and spends way more time with grandmas versus grandpas. My worry is not that he might be gay or feminine or along those lines but that he must feel a little bit like an alien. He actually tries really hard to do the right thing, but has these impulses that no one else around him has, resulting in him often getting blindsided by getting in trouble for something when he actually thought he was helping. Case in point. The car. Upon further discussions it turns out he started stabbing because he was feeling happy about the fact that he helped Neve get in her car seat, buckled Anna and then managed to get into his car seat all before I poked my head in the door. While buckled he noticed the stick, in his ebullient moment of "wow mom is going to be so proud of me" (kind of like the old bumble bee camp song), he decided to occupy himself in a celebration of sorts. I know some of you might be saying, yeah right, but honestly this is the way he thinks and gets hung up on a multi time a day process. I think in a family of boys he probably would blend in and much of it would be chalked up to being a boy. In a family of girls he looks like he can do no right.

I really feel for the guy and have been reading voraciously books about gender differences in an effort to get a better understanding of my ugly duckling, my Stellaluna, my black sheep(so to speak).

But the reality I have faced is nature is much stronger than nurture when it comes to boys (not even mentioning the pee incident).

The second hypothesis is that children in the same family really aren't that different, or if they are it was nurturing that made them this way versus some inborn personality traits. Again one of these areas that I strive to give my children the same exposure, same experiences, at least as much as I can. And although I do believe that nurture does play a part to an extent, there is clearly some inherent personality differences, that upon reflection can sometimes be traced back to birth.

Grayson was born 4 weeks early, after 2 weeks of preterm hospitalization nothing unusual there. Eme almost identical birth story ( a little more drama including an ambulance ride). Essentially a pretty simple way to describe the two of them and their relationship with one another. Eme always in Grayson's shadow, generally with a little more drama. Okay maybe a little stretch. But when Grayson was born he didn't cry but seem clearly overwhelmed by all that was going on. A sort of "what the heck?". He was always cautious to try new things unless he was sure of success. He didn't eat solid foods until he was eating full meals, didn't walk until he walked without help (never crawled), didn't speak until he was able to speak sentences, etc. Eme was fearless. Constantly practicing something until she mastered it. She is still this way with her school work and with her swim team workouts. She wants to be the best, and will do whatever it takes to get there. Grayson wants to be the best too but will wait his time until he understand everything and then is good. Of course this method isn't necessarily the best for success so I have to say TaeKwonDo and Wii (never thought I would say this) have been helping him learned about persistence and hard work. Grayson observes his way through life, Eme challenges and climbs her way.

Anna was born three days late. She didn't come out screaming, not even freaked out. She came out looking around curious. She was the easiest baby, smiling all the time, very personable, and pretty undemanding (except when it came to sleep - but that is a very long tedious story). This really sums her up today. She is really laid back, loves to socialize, loves even more to go off looking for bugs to capture, and is constantly picking flowers to hand to people as a gift. It is paramount for her to be able to say goodbye, and it is rare that she doesn't take the opportunity to give a hug and a kiss to a person while doing so. Mind you some of these people she doesn't even know beyond a one time introduction, but I have to say she makes more people smile in a day that just about any other person I have ever met. She is my pixie. When I asked her one time about the hugs, she told me she wishes she could hug every person, but some of them she just doesn't know and it's just not okay to hug a stranger ("right mommy?"). If I ever get mad at her and hurt her feelings she runs off and instead of pouting she often goes outside and picks me a flower (boy if that doesn't make me feel like an ogre) or draws me a picture. Anna feels her way through life.

Neve was three weeks early and came out screaming like it was the end of the world. She spent the first year and a half of life completely inconsolable by tried and true means. It wasn't until I quite trying and let her just be that she was able to finally get over it (seriously it took a year and a half to figure this out, to my defense after 3 kids I thought I had it figured out). She is fiercely independent, persistent, vocal/verbal, stubborn, fearless, and has an agenda that is all her own and has been since the day she was born. No amount of nurturing has changed this. Unless you take the time to hear what she is trying to tell you, she will make your life miserable. However in many ways she is the least demanding of all the kids, but when she does have a demand if you don't take the time to acknowledge what it is she wants you have just made your own life very difficult for a very long time. Not to say that she has to always has to have her way, often she concedes without argument, but if and only if you have taken the time to hear what her demands are. Neve leads her way through life.

Now that all this is out there I feel I must say that I find it difficult putting all this down in print. Not because it's not the truth but mainly because I do work really hard to not try and pigeon hole the kids into "types" and personalities. To do so, I feel, would add an unseen force (much like a magnetic field) in shaping the kids. Though I know this directly contradicts my new belief that such characteristics are born not taught, but I still tread lightly. I feel comforted lately by how many people have recently told me how cool it is to see the kid's personalities coming out.

I just hope that all the good traits are because of my nurturing and all the bad traits are because of Paul's genetics.....

The Being Game

I don't actually recall where the name came from, though I vaguely remember confusing the word 'being' with 'bean' and trying like crazy to figure out what the kids meant when they said they wanted to play the 'bean game'. So speech wise that would have to put us back to about Eme 3ish, Grayson 4ish.

Since that time I don't believe there has been a single day that has gone by that I haven't heard someone say "Let's play the being game".

What is the being game you ask? It is the act of 'being' some character and then playing together as that character. Actually a very simple game, no rules, anyone can play (and often are recruited even when they don't want to) regardless of age, size, gender, etc. And no two times are the same, very little disagreements, and the kids could spend all day doing it, and it can be played anywhere anytime. Gee if I could only market this idea....

Yes it can be incredibly boring and tedious at times, though sad to say nowadays when the kids recruit me, they chose my character for me and all but hand me a script, which makes it very easy and mindless for me as I try and get stuff around the house done (and generally after about 10 minutes they give up on my character or some misfortune happens to it (captured, ill, etc., though often enough it's something good like a vacation, taking a nap, etc).

I wish I had kept better track of the characters over the year, as they change more often than the kids take baths (which in this household is quite often). When they were into dinosaurs it we were dinos. When we read "Skippy Jon Jones" we were characters from that. After the Dicken's Faire we were Dicken's characters. After movies, books, stories, just about anything - as one can only imagine how much that can add up to with 4 kids. Some of the more favorite subjects of mine get a little carried away as I parlay my love of sewing and crafts into costumes for the kids.

Lately we've had a lot of Super Mario Brothers Characters (Grayson toddler Luigi or Bowser Jr., Eme Yoshi, Anna Toad, Neve one of Bowser's Minions, Me Princess Peach, etc).

The Mario has been one of the longest phases we've had for awhile, and I am looking forward to it going away. Since I have avoided making costumes here, the kids have had me print out thousand (probably only a slight exaggeration) pictures of their characters, which then we "laminate" with contact paper and they set up entire worlds in which to interact within. I actually had to limit the amount of pictures to "picture of the day" otherwise the entire day from sun up to sun down would be spent me googling their ideas to find as many pictures as the could.

I feel/fear that my peers must think that we play video games 24/7 (instead of the super limited weekend only schedule we follow).

This last week Paul started reading "The Hobbit" to the 3 older (really only Grayson and Eme follow along, Anna gets the Cliff Note version from them). For the first time in awhile I find myself in a phase that I really enjoy. Eme is Bilbo Baggins (and already prepping to be Frodo as they started the first in the LOTR trilogy tonight). She was given an absolutely perfect green robe that gives depth to her character, and I am knitting her some furry socks to give her Hobbit feet. Anna had been Thorin, until she realized that her dwarf character dies at the end of the book, now she is moving on to Samwise, as Eme says "it's probably better that she is a Hobbit since she is smaller that me, and dwarfs are bigger". Grayson is Gandalf and the numerous dwarfs (one character is never enough for Grayson), though I imagine his character might change as we get introduced to more heroes in the trilogy. And of course Neve was Smoag (the great destroying dragon) but as he died as well, the kids have yet to assign her a new character.

The hardest part for me, as I spent time today researching how to make a beard out of crepe wool, is how long will this phase last, and is it worth spending the time to sew fabulous costumes worthy of a Tony Award (okay maybe I am just overly proud of my work) or should I by the horrible synthetic $20 Halloween store versions, or just let them imagine on their own and stay out of it. Okay as I reread this paragraph I know the answer is C, but I guess that means that I need another trip to the therapist to try and figure out why I feel such a need to overcompensate with my kids for the things I didn't have as a child?

On that note I better hit the hay as I have a big day of the "being game" tomorrow and my game is always better after a good night's rest.

more photos....

Eme's costume for her Father Daughter Brownie dance - should I mention award winning costume, she took 1st prize out of 50+

And snapshot of Anna "lovingly" holding tiger, though not pictured is he is now long enough so his hind feet were touching the ground during this shot.

The plus and minus of siblings...

Of course I refer to more than the assumed instant playmates(plus) instant competition for mom (minus).

Neve has discovered that she loves having a brother and sisters, as they find it really cute that she can say their names so well and will repeat anything they say (especially things that most 19 month olds don't and shouldn't say). In exchange for this service of endless giggles she has them at her beck and call, which she mostly cashes in on when she is feeling slighted, or hurt in any imaginable way. It's no longer: "mommmmy!" it's now: "Eme hug", "Gaycen hug", "Anna hug", then last but not least "Momma hug" (unless of course Rosie or Dara are around then I move down the ladder a few rungs).

Eme seems to be the chosen one right now, and she really loves it, and although she has never been that into Neve, becoming the chosen one has changed their relationship dramatically (for the positive).

Grayson of course doesn't relinquish his position easily and so ensues a contest of who can make Neve laugh, or who can make her say the funniest non baby thing (favorites: butt, butt thingy, poopy elmo, etc) - it is hard for even me not to laugh, what a terrible position to be in where I am not suppose to laugh thereby encouraging such behavior. It's much harder to be an example than I ever thought it would be.

One of the best laugh contests of late came as a result of buying a .50$ bag of kitty shaped balloons while out running errands before meeting Paul at the office. Grayson now quite the accomplished balloon blower (though not able to tie them), was trying to make Neve laugh by making the balloon talk but accidentally discovered that it is down right hilarious (at least to the under 8 set) to let the balloon go. Guess it's the sound plus unpredictability. Of course he and Eme side splitting laughing, near tears, is all but impossible to not join in (at last some joke I can guilt free join in). Now while driving through Palo Alto is me laughing so hard I can hardly breath, with 4 kids in the same state in the back of the car (the younger 2 mostly laughing because it's so infectious not because they actually know what's going on), which because of tinted windows I am positive nobody else can see it so I look like a stark mad raving lunatic, to only be pushed over the top when one of the balloons unsuspectingly pops while being blown up. Poor Grayson hurt, but unable to do anything but suck it up as everyone else is still laughing, and me laughing so hard at this but trying to pretend like I don't know what's going on because I am laughing way too hard to ask him in a lovingly way if he's okay.

Now on the other side of the coin....

background:
I read a book a couple years ago about bullies and through reading decided to introduce the word "taunting" (teasing where only one party laughing) to differentiate from "teasing" (both parties laughing).

Now my days are overflowing with "so and so is taunting"! So much so I loathe the word and the use of the word taunting has almost become a worse offense than actually doing the taunting.

Grayson of course almost never uses the word as he typically is the main offender. I guess I should be thankful that he has never been a violent child, but I struggle daily to help him gain acceptance of his insecurities and need for attention which provoke him to commit the taunting in the first place.

Eme with a shrill (really the best description) voice screams it out loud, though pretty rare as she and Grayson are almost always thick as thieves and unlike most gangs there is very little turf wars between the two (with the exception of Neve). Though with Eme, I know I have to step in quick else as she quickly follows it with "I am a volcano ready to erupt!", which is my cue that I have less than 10 seconds to intervene or she is going to open up a can of whoop ass on whomever dares offend her. side note: the volcano part is a new addition in her recent maturity, thank goodness for that!

Anna, at the tender age of trying to grasp the true meaning of words, has chosen to use 'taunting' as her catchall word for any slight or offense or any thing a person might do or say that doesn't go her way (i.e. someone asks for something she doesn't want to share). This of course annoys the heck out of older siblings, which there by causes them to get angry and frustrated enough to actually start taunting and so begins the vicious cycle that leaves me around 4pm asking if it's bedtime yet? I now have started addressing Anna's feelings immediately (oh Anna you are upset) and that seems to help a little with the problem but obviously no solution yet.

Now some of you out there might be thinking well just you wait till Neve...well before you get too far with that let me stop you and say that just the other day Neve was clearly distressed about something and with big tears in her eyes..."Gaycen tauting"! (though something about a one and a half year saying it makes me smile instead of pull my hair out)