A little over 8 years ago...

Yesterday was the last day that Neve had milk, such a sad yet joyous end to that chapter of our relationship. Hardest part was when she had milk the last time she patted my chest and said "nigh nigh... bye-bye milk" with a little bit of sadness in her eyes and a lot of deep thought in her eyes (it's such an amazing age when at times you can look in her eyes and see those wheels turning as she puts it all together)(and I am sure as she looks back she sees the doubt and sadness reflected in my eyes). I am in near tears as I write this, yet I know that it is the right time for both of us as the process of weaning has been relatively easy, and as Paul says now that Neve not only asks for milk in multiple languages (milk, leche) she had begun to say "other side".

A little over eight years ago I became pregnant with Grayson, then while nursing him got pregnant with Eme, Then within a week of weaning her got pregnant with Anna, and with in a week of her got pregnant with Neve. It's hard to believe that for nearly a decade I have been either pregnant, nursing or both. I am feeling a little loss like a teenager going of to college for the first time and knowing that you are turning the page on a new chapter on your life.

There is excitement in knowing that I can take Excedrin again if I want to, I can eat curry, drink caffeine, or whatever I want to without worry about upsetting someone else (though I am sure heartburn will damper that dream!), I can take over the counter cold medicines without having to worry about the "pregnant or nursing mother warnings". Yet there is so much connectedness, attention, and love that surrounds pregnancy and nursing that I fear that I will no longer get that.

Of course one of the biggest fears is will I be able to maintain my svelte size 0 body now that I am not nursing and burning all those extra calories. I have joked many a times that I will be a closet nurser forever for that reason alone, perhaps the first case of nursing bulimia?

Then again if it doesn't work out I guess I could always just revert to the "As God intended..." route and keep this up for another 5 or more years...... ;-)