3 cm 3 weeks to go

After a long night in the hospital on Friday in labor, I was discharged with everyone scratching their heads saying "what the heck". Once again I have stumped the birthing experts.

I entered the hospital 2 cm and contracting every 3-4 minutes. Being my 4th kid, and with the speed on which Anna delivered (42 minutes) the nurses all but jumped through hoop trying to get the room ready for baby, no chance they were going to turn me away. (note: I did warn them that I typically stall out between 3-4 cm)

Several hours passed by, not much changed, our wonderful doctor suggested Pitocin to "keep the momentum going", and decided to start at a level 1, which he was sure would be more than enough, especially since this was our 4th child. It was now somewhere around 8pm.

Pitiocin goes in, nothing changes. Up the pitocin, nothing. pretty soon we are at level 8 and not a whole lot has changed, we are now closing in on the wee morning hours and decide that my time would be better off sleeping if I can. Amazingly I am able, Pitocin still dripping.

5 am I am up after a couple of fitful hours of rest. After checking that I am now at 3cm we decide at 7 am to steadily increase the pitocin. Every hour or so we up the level, my body does a couple strong close contractions then just as quickly metabolizes and gets back into the 4 minute pattern. We get to level 18, same story - I am being to wonder how high can we go!

Time for a game plan conference, it's now around noon. We decide to turn off the pitocin, give my uterus a break and then plan on starting up again in the evening. Pitocin goes off with all expectations that i'll go back to my original pattern (which isn't far off from where I am on the pitocin). Labor as we know it completely stops.

I expected to be disappointed or emotional but discover that more than anything I just kind of laugh. This baby is obviously not ready to come out, it is three weeks early after all why push something that just isn't happening. The discussion comes up about breaking my water (which was never successful at doing anything with the other 3 so I am hestitant) Pretty unanimously we opt not to, since doing so makes delivery iminent, which based on the current scenario makes me worry that my 4th might be a csection.

After "recovering" for a couple hours we change plans again, I am missing the children horribly by this time and not real eager to spend another night plugged into monitors and ivs so we decide to discharge me. There was a part of me that felt worried about all the time and effort wasted by everyone, a part of me worried that I hope I am able to read the signs correctly and make it back to the hospital on time, but the biggest part by far was relief - was going home and couldn't wait to see the kids!

The kids by the way were being cared for tag team between Paul and Rosie, and as it turned out managed just fine without mommy, even Anna whose never been apart from me at night, managed to snuggle up next to Paul during his short night in bed. It's hard to know that things can go so smoothly without me there, but also nice to know I'll have one less thing to worry about when this baby does decide to come.

In the meantime it could be hours or it could be weeks before we get to finally meet "snowy" (the kid's nickname for the baby) and knowing exactly where I stand makes me feel like I am living hour by hour right now (I imagine after a couple quiet days that feeling will fade). I am amazed on how organized I can be when I need to be. I have everything for tomorrow (including dinner) ready in case I am not here.

The kids are sort of out of sorts, tired, disappointed that Snowy's not here yet, and vulnerable now knowing that any day now mommy might not be there for night time. Guess we'll have to see how this plays out.....